Should I just bite it and retire?

I have several interviews set up for the next week. I'm fairly certain, although not over the top confident, that I will be able to find something.  The thing is, do I really WANT to find something?. Do I, really?  I have loved it here, have loved these children, these people, this geographic area. I know that I will love it wherever I land, as I always do. God has blessed me with the ability to enjoy people, enjoy the environment where I find myself.  That's why I am blessed with friends all over the country. I don't doubt that no matter where I would find  myself in this country, I have a friend or a relative within a day's drive who would let me sleep on his/her  couch if I asked.  Now, THAT is a blessed person!  So, having said that I love it here, does it, logically, follow that I want to go to another school?

  Since I have been out here, several new interests have come  to the forefront, probably because my family is not here, and for the first time since I was twenty five I have time to indulge myself.  And, really, they are not new interests;  I have written all of my life, but until these past years, have had no time to really concentrate on stuff like plot and editing.  Within the past few months, I have gotten some very nice feedback from some agents and publishers.  Sort of 'The economy sucks, but keep writing.  You have something to say.'. I used to love photography, but got away from it. This past three years, I have, for the first time in over twenty years, a really good camera with a couple of lenses.  People have been really kind about my pictures, and so, I slapped some of my favs on some gift items, set up a website and up to now have sold a couple of packs of note cards, a few coffee mugs and a water bottle, all of  which have been decorated with my pictures.  Not a great number, but then again, I haven't had time to advertise, either. 

Education has changed soooo much. No longer are children getting the arts. No longer are they reading for the sake of reading.  Rather than read books, they read 'excerpts' and are then given test questions.  WTF! is that about? I think of our library teacher, Mrs. Oliver. Library was a class!  She would read us a chapter out of a book, and then we would have the rest of the hour to read our books.  I loved the sound of pages being turned, ,the smells of the library.   Rather than write stories and plays and poems, kids  are asked to write two to three paragraphs on a given topic, and they are assessed on whether they have addressed all the issues in the paradigm.  Where are the next Arthur Millers, August Wilsons, James Baldwins going to come from?  Surely not from a classroom of children who are writing to a 'prompt' Don't get me wrong.  The teachers with whom I work are terrific.  They do everything they can to get sustained silent reading, writing and the arts into the lives of their children.  But, I have watched as the creativity is micromanaged right out of their souls.. It's just tragic.

My grandson who made honor roll was told he 'daydreams too much'.  Christ All bleeping Mighty!  The child is 6 years old!  He is supposed to daydream.  If there were no daydreamers, we would be without so many things. Picasso would never have had his Blue Period.  Einstein would have never figured out that all of us are in motion, all of the time.  This is not education.  It's something, no doubt.  But, it's no education.


On the other hand, I don't feel old enough to retire, and I have never, ever not worked.   Except for the ten years between the time that Mandy was born, and I returned to work at Mount Aloysius when Beth was in pre-school, I have never not worked a full-time job. But, I was thinking, there is this course I would like to take from NAU about Positive Behavioral Support.  It's fifteen credits and would take two semesters.  Also, it's online.  I could take those courses anywhere I can get a high speed hookup.  Working full-time, I would have no time to do it.

Totally off the subject, I have a hard time believing there is a certificate for this.  I can hear not my Mother's voice in this case, but my Daddy's.  Close your eyes and hear it, too. 'Positive Behavior??  What's that?  I'm POSITIVE your kid is a brat and needs to be sent to his room til he can come out and act right? '  And then he would have shaken  his head, walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee.  Or else, just walk straight out the back door to the bees.

Back to this course, if I retire, and start taking my pension,  I could do it.  I could take the courses, concentrate on my writing, concentrate on marketing my photography and then, after a year I would be qualified to be a Behavioral Consultant.  If I wanted to, at that time, I could hire myself out to write behavior plans.  Which would mean, I'd still be in education;  I just wouldn't be there all day, being told what to do by people who are not nearly as knowledgeable as I am.

The other day I heard a conversation between to educators. Well, one of them was an educator. The other is and was an idiot. The idiot  was purporting that the curriculum she was selling  would, without fail, bring ALL of the children up to grade level within three years.  The other asked her how she could guarantee such a thing.  The first replied that 'If the teacher follows the script, the children will learn.'  BULL EFFING SHIT!  How could she have allowed such garbage to fall out of her mouth and still be able to sleep that night?  What if the kid is an auditory learner?  What if he can't learn phonetically and needs a whole word, linguistic approach?  Are you still going to keep shoving the stuff down his throat even though he is , clearly, clearly, not getting it?  Any other day, I would have jumped on that with both of my chubby feet, but this day, because I know that I will not be back here next year, I turned  and walked away.

The next day, this woman walked into my room and saw that I was teaching the child the same information , but using a different method.  Her 'curriculum' had the kid looking at the words, calling them out, and being timed until he could read them all, with no errors in one minute. The poor kid, 6 years old, was not getting it. Just NOT getting it. He kept giving me this look, all big brown eyes that said, 'Help Me!' I put him on the computer , found a story that had a lot of words that ended in AT , slapped the headphones on him and let him read the story while it was read to him.  He sat there, transfixed, watching the words, listening to the words, saying the words.  She said, 'You are not using the curriculum correctly.'  I said,'N o, you are right.  I am not.  That's why special education calls it 'specially designed instruction.'  Because it is 'specially designed for that particular child.' Anyone who knows me knows what sorts of words were rattling around in my head. I did NOT say them.  And for that, alone, I deserve a gold star. 

Why am I rambling on like this?  Because, maybe it's time for me to walk away from the classroom.  Maybe I need to make another path for myself.  Many of my friends have left over discipline issues.  I never had that problem, too much. I was lucky.  I can give the 'Alene Baker' look.  It' s all look.  I don't back it up as well as she did, but still, it's been an effective tool in my arsenal.  But , I gotta be honest, kids.  I'm feeling real tired.  Do I have it in me to fall in love with another group of children?  But, there is  the money.   I'm one of those baby boomers who hasn't saved squat.  Then again, if I DO take that course, I could do a job like that til I'm REALLY old.  I'm only 62.  My Mom lived another 18 years, and in fact, I think she was close to that age when she ran for Congress.  

What to do? What to do?   Feed back, anyone?

P.S. This blog stuff is the best.  I can write this stuff out instead of keeping it inside me, bouncing around in my head.   I think I can sleep now.  And, to all, a good night.